OUR SECOND PREGNANCY STORY

As October is pregnancy and infant loss awareness month, we cannot just sit back and not share our story, in hope that others too may find comfort in knowing they are not alone. We are that 1 in 4 statistic that unfortunately is so so true. So here is our story...

On August 2nd, we took a pregnancy test... It’s positive!!! We both beamed with excitement and found ourselves so so lucky that once again we fell pregnant very quickly. Our family of 3 was about to become that little bit bigger. At week 5 of the pregnancy, the nausea creeps in, meaning business this time around! I felt awful, all day, every day for weeks. By week 9, that seemed to have settled, woohoo! I felt so much better and even more excited for the 12 week scan to arrive. On September 26th, I noticed a small amount of bleeding. I didn’t panic until I noticed a little more that evening. So made a call to 111. A GP called back and reassured us that ‘spotting’ in early pregnancy can be very normal and the fact that I wasn’t experiencing any pain in my tummy or back was a good sign and to comfortably sleep and get checked at the hospital the following morning. 

So that’s exactly what we did. We saw an urgent GP at Luton & Dunstable hospital. After discussing symptoms she made a call through to the early pregnancy clinic to get us booked in for an emergency scan. They had nothing until the Saturday... 2 days away!!! Again, being reassured that ‘spotting’ was normal and ‘no pain’ is a good sign, we came back home to wait! We were trying to remain positive and hanging on to every last word of what the GP’s and our midwife were saying.

Saturday morning arrived. We sat and discussed all the symptoms with a lovely nurse named Sally before we were called through for the scan. The moment the gel hit my tummy and the picture came up on the screen, I knew something wasn’t quite right. Where is our baby? Why is she (the sonographer) frowning? Is she looking elsewhere and not my womb? I was totally confused. The sonographer then asked for me to empty my bladder as she needed to do an internal scan to see everything a little clearer. I was too nervous and scared to ask questions so just went off to the ladies, leaving hubby sat there, just as confused as I was although I didn’t know this at the time. When I returned, she said she will just gather all the information clearly in her head before she spoke with us...again the picture came up on the screen, no baby?

Within what felt like hours, but was barely minutes, the lady sonographer turned to us and said... ‘I am so sorry, but this isn’t looking as though it’s going to be a healthy pregnancy’. I just remember looking over at Rich, looking back at her, saying ‘ok’ and then just bursting into tears. She then explained what was going on. I was having an ‘anembryonic pregnancy’, meaning, everything else to suggest I was pregnant was there, the hormones, the body changes, the nausea, the pregnancy sac...just empty with no baby inside. I remember leaving that room, tears streaming down my face, totally confused and speechless! We were sent home with a date to return for another scan, just incase dates were wrong... which I knew was not the case as I hadn’t had a period since July!

We were absolutely devastated. Couldn’t quite believe what we had been told. We had spent almost 8 weeks thinking and talking about all of the exciting changes we were about to make to our family. How could this be happening. The date given... Friday 5th October, slight kick in the teeth as this so happened to be the very same date our original 12 week scan was due. The week running up to this date went by in a bit of a blur. I am so very grateful for my husband, he has been my absolute rock through all of this. I really couldn’t have done it without his shoulder to cry on. Also my family and very close friends, thank you for the chats, the hugs, the flowers (which lasted way over 2 weeks!) and my biggest motivation to keep me going, our gorgeous little 18 month old Noah, our absolute world. I'm not too sure where I would be or how I would be feeling right now if I didn't have him hanging off of my legs all day!

The afternoon of October 5th arrived, everything was then confirmed... I was going to miscarry... but no one was to know when. We were sent away with 3 options...

1. Continue to allow the miscarriage to happen naturally
2. Medical intervention to speed up the process
3. Surgical procedure

Option 3 was one we boohooed straight away... but also, how were we able to even make a decision on what was to happen next... we wanted a baby, not any of this! My hubby was very supportive in any decision I was to make as it was my body that was having to physically go through this. I decided to wait (Option 1). 2 more days passed, no other symptoms other than the light bleeding! This had been the case for 11 days now. I needed to speed things up, emotionally and physically I had to. We know the inevitable has to happen now, let’s wait a week and if nothing happens by the weekend we will go for option 2... so this was arranged with the hospital.

2 more days passed, another normal day, Rich went off to work, me and my little dude came downstairs for breakfast, but on this particular morning, the waterworks just would not stop!...I could not stop crying! I decided this needed to be final. The bleeding was practically non existent, the back ache I did start to get was not progressing into anything more, I was tired, mentally and physically. I spoke to Rich and we both decided it was time for option 3, the one we boohooed straight away to begin with, the surgical procedure. After reading more about it, the pros and cons, I now know (2 weeks post op!) it was the right decision, for me, for us, for my family. I was in hospital for 6 hours in total. Coming round from the anaesthetic, I was extremely emotional and couldn't wait to get home to cuddle up to my husband and son, and rest!

This journey is not quite over yet, I will bleed for a little longer, my hormones will be up and down, along with our emotions too. We will also have to take a pregnancy test (would you believe) 3 weeks post op (so next week) to make sure the surgery went the way it should have done and all pregnancy tissue has been removed. This whole journey has made us stronger, as well as knowing how much we are wanting a bigger family, that will happen! We are so very grateful for our darling Noah and equally know how lucky we are to have him in our lives. 

If our story can bring any comfort to friends, family or anyone you or your neighbour or best friend knows, then please share! In the midst of pregnancy and baby loss awareness month, these things need to be spoken about, so I am just a person 'breaking the silence!' 

All our love goes out to anyone who this may touch the hearts of. <3